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There is no other word that sums it up better than that. I have dealt with my own depression and I have watched my husband battle the "terrible monster" as well.
This morning I heard about a good friend of our family, "D", who lost his battle with depression (suicide) last night.
The first question is always "What was he thinking?!?!?!". But the truth is that he wasn't thinking rationally....you can't when you're struggling.
The part that gives me chills, causes me to hit my knees in thankfullness for my family but in grief for his family, is that his story mirrors Jeff's story. My family could have had this same outcome. Let me explain.....
Jeff has struggled with depression for years....but there was such a stigma attached to it that no one wanted to think it was happening to them. I mean only "crazy" people take anti-depressants and only "insane" people are hospitalized, right?!?! WRONG! Anyway, I digress. 2 years ago, Jeff had lost a job and had gotten so incredibly immersed in the game "World of Warcraft" that he felt suicide was his only option.
Thankfully, he told me what he had been planning (he had it all set up) and I was able to get him some help.
BUT I NEVER SAW IT COMING!!!
When you're in such severe depression you believe you are doing what's best for everyone. As I battled post-partum depression, I thought it would have been best for my kids that I leave (move away) and allow them to get a "better" mom. It made complete sense to me. I was seeing a therapist 2 times a week at this point so I never acted on it because we talked in depth about it. But it was an intense feeling.
I am praying for everyone struggling with depression and those watching loved ones struggle. Please know you are not alone. Reach out. PLEASE! Email me if you feel you have no one else. I've been there. I understand. No judgements.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
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2 comments:
OMG!!!! I'm sooooo sorry! I can't imagine, well I can, I've lost friends to suicide in school, but that was a long time ago. There are no words to say to help you feel better. We too have struggled at our house, and no, it's not fun! and no, there is no rational thinking! Hang in there, hun! If you are looking for something to do next Thursday, I'm havin some girls over. You are more then welcome to come! Email me slavik4@hotmail.com
It amazes me, but not really, all the people that suffer with depression. When you're in it you think you're the only one and are so ashamed of it. I do believe that we who have been there are now able to "spot" it in others and be helpful. I always claim to a saying of my own... "I've done a lot of bad things and been a lot of bad places. I am not there now, but I was there, experienced it, got through it so I can help someone else through it." Sad to say those words are true, but good to say that I am able to help others. Others VERY close to me. So, good can come out of our own bad choices and they do end up glorifying God. Somehow, someway...
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