Saturday, May 30, 2009

Marriage is......

TOUGH!!!!! And anyone who says otherwise is crazy! Don't get me's wonderful, rewarding, and beautiful...but tough also.

Jeff and I have had an incredibly difficult year or so. Jeff has had 3 job losses in the last 2 years which was obviously financially difficult but each time was such a blow to his self-esteem and confidence. It also sent him into a severe depression --- but that's a post for another time.

We began pushing each other away and becoming more like strangers. I started rationalizing why separation was a good idea and why none of this way MY problem. I did ask Jeff for a separation...twice...and then he lost his job. It was then that the thought of divorce seemed like the only option.

But God had other plans!!!

God allowed Jeff to hit rock bottom so he would reach out for help. He agreed to see a counselor and everyone told me that should give me hope. But, in my stubbornness, I clung to my anger. I still pursued a divorce. I went to legal services to start the paperwork and was told it would be a 5 MONTH wait to even see a lawyer....and I couldn't afford a regular lawyer. Talk about God slamming that door!

A few days later God answered the prayers of many people and my heart was changed...softened toward my husband. I truly saw and empathized with how seriously he was struggling and how desperately he wants things to be different.

Out relationship is definitely not perfect but we are moving ahead, together, with God's grace and guidance.

This is part of what our pastor said at our wedding ceremony 10 years ago: love is not envious, proud, easily angered, boastful, rude, self-seeking, doesn't hold grudges. Love is patient, kind, rejoices in the truth, protects, trusts, hopes, lasts!